A Leap of Faith

Back in 2008, before the government economic melt down, I had an economic melt down of my own. I lost the only careers I have ever had with no hope of finding a new one that paid decently anytime soon. It's when Mike decided for me that it was time to write the book, my first "Advancing Backward". As I went through all my notebooks and scoured notes, half written pages and outlines I had previously started, I cried. What I lost was profound, immense and the hurdles that lay in front of me seemed insurmountable. I had faith that things would one day get better, but my realism told me it could take years and I wasn't sure we had years we could stay afloat. You see, I had always solely supported or partially supported my family in the absolute tangible monetary way, so having no income, well, I was devastated in a way I couldn't possibly have seen coming. I reacted by mourning the death of an identity I could no longer hold onto. The Kellie that existed before July 2008, died in a way that would be permanent, forever put to rest with no reprieve.
I had applied to every place I could think of, since my usual jobs were off limits. Nothing was out of the question for a non-college educated person who had no current usable skills. Every restaurant, grocery store, drug store, home improvement store, mall store, I mean every place I could think of I sent in applications with attached resumes. I never got one interview, not one. The book came out and I busied up with promoting myself on what I refer to as false feet since my confidence was completely in the toilet. I plastered a smile on my face and kept trying to believe things would work out for the best, but I must confess, I was deathly afraid I would not be so fortunate. I prayed, a lot.
We sold the house and moved to a much smaller house and a simpler lifestyle that could be paid for by our single income. Still, cars need work, kids need college and groceries aren't cheap and I continued to feel guilty, sad, almost hopeless...almost. I continued to throw my resume out into the world to hear nothing in return. It has taken a toll on me, my ego had been blown to smithereens.
In October of last year I sent our town paper The Tribune a sample of my writing skills and asked for an advice column. I had no prospects and remained in utter isolation from the work force, so I thought why not? I heard back within days and my column, "Dear Kellie" was born due to the extraordinary generosity of my editor, Mrs. Calvert. So generous was she with teaching me about AP style and the production of newspaper columns. Having never written a column before, I had no idea what I was doing, but she remained patient and allowed me the creativity to give it a try. As you well know, I continue to write that column every other week. I love that job so much and I appreciate my boss even more for a taking a chance on me when I needed it so badly.
I continued to send more resumes, more applications, not really hoping something would ever happen. That's what happens when you try for years and no one "sees" you. I remained invisible until yesterday. I had applied for a part time position at the community college that my kids attend, right here in town. There was a position in the financial aid office. For the first time since my column, I had a feeling of really wanting this particular job. As a writer I make well under poverty level, as most do, and I needed a second job. I love the school they attend, the way the atmosphere of it feels. It is a place that puts it's money where it's mouth is. Lone Star College is affordable, really affordable, and easily accessible, and it is growing by leaps and bounds. As I filled out one more online application, updated my resume and answered any and all questions, I wondered if I would ever even get an interview again in my life time, let alone a job.
Yesterday the most wonderful thing happened. A woman called and asked to schedule an interview for the financial aid position. Could I come? Was I interested? Uhhhhhh, heck yeah!
Today I had my interview with the lovely lady from the phone. Thrilled to be acknowledged by an actual human being instead of written off by a computer, I couldn't help but smile the entire time. What I knew for sure in that moment, as I told her out right I wanted the job badly, was I really was just completely happy to get interviewed. I did want the job, I did love the college, but just getting the opportunity to sit in front of a person instead of a kiosk, or computer was good enough for me.
Five hours later after I got home, still smiling at the positive hopeful experience I had had this very morning, she called once again to offer me the job. As I thanked her profusely jumping at the opportunity, she asked if I needed a minute to scream or something. Laughing, I said, "I will wait until we get off the phone." I ran to tell Mike the wonderful news that I was indeed employable and Lone Star College wanted me to start as soon as possible. We hugged my husband and I. With tears in my eyes, I looked in his eyes and said, "I promise, you are not alone in this. I will do whatever it takes to help you and this family." He smiled back at me with his warm brown eyes glued to mine and said, "You do every single day."