Saturday, August 28, 2010

Two Old Farts Blowing In the Wind

" I think I may have broken my collar bone", I say matter of fact to my husband, as we sit down for five minutes to catch up on the days events.
"Hold that thought, I think I hear the phone ringing."
"I don't hear the phone, what is it you hear?" I crane my neck to listen more closely.
"Never mind, it's probably just my tinnitus. I hear ringing all the time now. At work I could have sworn the phone was ringing. I kept picking it up saying 'hello, is anybody there?' Eventually someone was there, but it was more of a lucky guess at that point." Michael sighs.
"Well, funny you should mention phones. I was on a ladder putting things on a shelf..." Michael interrupts,"Is that when you think you broke your collar bone?" "No," I say half exasperated at the interruption," As I was saying, I was up on the ladder because as it turns out I am only two feet tall, when I thought I heard the phone ring." Michael looks at my tilted head. I continue, "I was running for the phone when I tripped over the old dog..."
Again Michael interjects, "Is that when you think you broke your collar bone?" "No," I answer more emphatically, "I tripped and old dog nearly wet herself so I rushed her outside, and no, that is not when I broke my collar bone either. I got her out and was rushing back in for the phone when I slipped and fell on the puddle she left behind."
"Oh my," Michael exclaims, "that must have been just awful! I can see how you would get hurt from a fall like that."
"Well, I won't lie, it hurt, mostly my ego, but that isn't it either. I went to the kitchen thinking I could grab a couple of paper towels to clean up the mess and grab the phone at the same time. I was just about to reach for the paper towels, when the food processor fell and slammed into my ankle."
"Don't tell me, let me guess, that isn't when you broke your collar bone either?" Michael smiles as he mocks my pain and humiliation.
"You are correct, Sir, that is also not when it happened. It happened when I picked up the phone."
"What happened when you picked up the phone?" Michael now looks completely puzzled. "I broke my collar bone," I say flatly and sip my cup of tea.
"Wait, you picked up the phone and what else?" Michael sits up as if he missed something. "Nothing else happened. I picked up the phone, I heard a very loud snap and now I can't move my head. That is the whole story. How was your day?"
Michael looks past me distracted, "It was OK, nothing like your day. Is that the phone ringing?"

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