Celebrating My Way

I have to be really honest with you, with Christmas coming right around the corner, I always scout for things to do that cost very little. I am a Christmas cheapskate. I wish I had the kind of money I could spend on my family and friends that would blow them away, but I am always a day late and dollar short, so every year I start hunting for ideas that allow a holiday feeling without a huge expense. Every year I feel a little guilty that I cannot buy my way out of the holidays, but the truth is we are like so many who just don't have it.
I am also a magazine-aholic, I love them they are my thing in every way, don't judge me. I gave up most of my subscriptions to save money. I have maintained only one since we have decided to cut our expenses in half. Every one of our bills was cut to the bone in order for our security to be maintained. I bought a few for the holidays to get ideas for gifts and dinner ideas. I cannot tell you how very disappointed I am that the commercial world has not kept up with the real one. I have never spent over $100 for each of my kids for Christmas, partly because I think it sets a bad example and partly because I have never really been able to do more than that. They know the deal is $50 for birthdays and $100 for Christmas. I won't spend a penny more on any of them and haven't since the day they were born. It's been it's own tradition of sorts, this cheapness during celebrations. I will gladly spend all day making an elaborate cake of their choosing, but the gift will have an expense ceiling attached to it. I also won't buy crap. If you want to waste money, then by all means do it far from me, because I have no appreciation for it.
For years I didn't buy the extended family anything, telling them early on I was struggling as a single mother and would not be able to retail. My family understood the kids came first and let that go. Since then I have made most of their gifts, spending our time rather than our money. I have made quilts, hand painted coffee mugs, decorated sweatshirts with fabric paint and kids' hand prints, cocoa cones and other such inexpensive gifts. When all else fails I send out gift cards for reasonable amounts like $25. No one ever expects their biggest gift to come from me. Should I ever win the lottery which I rarely play, I will be happy to blow a wad a cash on everyone, but until then they know to expect my heart in lieu of monetarily high priced items. I learned early to put my financial oxygen mask on first.
I won't be buying anymore magazines this season since it seems they still don't get it. A dress that costs $350.00 is not a bargain, and a gift that is useless is not a steal at $50. It takes me a long time to earn $50 so I appreciate it so much.
This year I will be thinking in real terms of how I want to spend my precious holiday cash. I will make dinner for my friends, give my kids cash so they can pay their bills and for everyone else I will try and come up with a way to bring us closer, since we live so very far away. I will bake Christmas cookies with a few select girlie friends, sipping wine, slurping homemade soup with crusty bread right from the oven. I will give my husband my heart and soul, finding a little something for him to unwrap under the tree, but staying in the confines of our budget.
I love the holidays, I really do, but all this commerce gets to me. I am so tired of feeling guilty for being financially restricted, so my plan this year is to stay away from it, appreciating instead the beauty of simplicity versus credit.
I will miss flipping through my magazines with my coffee in hand looking for ideas, but I see clearly that for folks like us there are quite 'literately', none to be found. Michael has said more than once I should write that book, the book on holidays living on the cheap. Maybe one day I will, sharing all of my gift giving ideas and how to celebrate without going broke. For now, I will get ready to find my own way through the maze of Black Friday, which will be spent decking the halls instead of walking them, retail therapy, which instead I will use decorated cookies to soothe my savage breast, and helping those I love and cherish to remember that I do love them and think of them all the time.
For those who feel a little outside the holiday box this year, struggling with bills, and life matters, know that you are not alone and I feel your Christmas envy. Maybe join me in a thermos of hot cocoa and a trip through the neighborhoods looking at Christmas decorations, wishing everyone we meet Peace on Earth.