It's A Birthday Thing

Today is my birthday, well, me and Billy Joel. My 49th birthday, in fact. I am really digging this time in my life, regardless of all the stuff going on. Recently, I have been having really good days. Mike just got his bike back, intact and complete, no damage or high drama. My feeling is some kid mistakenly thought he/she could take it home and call it found, when their parent noticed it's high price tag and panicked turning it in to the police. They were probably parents much like ourselves, who would have known better. Thank you to them from the bottom of my heart. Good people are out there. Monday I had my full circle massage, where the dearest soul came to our house and filled it with light. I came out of our room to discover fried chicken had been bought and left for me, complete with mashed potatoes ad gravy. It was a lovely surprise and the perfect ending to pretty stellar day. Yesterday, I had wine on the patio as I visited with our kids and Mike. We just sat and talked and laughed at the fact that I cannot hold my liquor. Two glasses in, I was laughing so hard I slobbered a little. The night jasmine are in bloom now, the smell wafts through the yard, the sweetness of it hanging in the thick southern air covering me with it's perfume. I fell asleep feeling very content. I woke up in the middle of the night, as I frequently do, especially after wine, and still carried the feeling of happy with me. I played the music my friend sent to me. I had gotten to have apple cobbler and ice cream yesterday as we, the college staff got to celebrate the end of the year. I laughed yesterday, met new people and talked to some of my favorite students who are now finishing finals and getting to take the summer off. I found out that a student sings at a wine bar and am planning on seeing her this weekend. She sings jazz, a favorite of mine. Saturday, my one real request for this Birthday/Mother's day week and all I really wanted was a family portrait, while we are all together. I know we will all gather for a moment, laugh, take the picture and all will disburse. Mike and I will have the entire evening to be together, sipping imported wine and listening to my little jazz singer as we cuddle in a corner, remembering why it is we feel so lucky to have each other. I woke up this morning to a note on my computer notepad that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Your son loves you!" from my oldest son. Right now, it's all pretty wonderful and a much needed relief from the pressure cooker that has been our life. Today, I have made plans to be with my adopted little sister. I have big plans with her to run around and do ridiculous stuff all day long. I took a vacation day. This is the first time in my industrious career, I have been able to do that. I remembered to thank my boss for the privilege. My birthday is the day when I celebrate my own version of Fat Tuesday. When she asked what she should wear, I told her flip flops and stretchy pants. I will explain later why that is the required dress. For now I don't want to ruin the surprise. Tonight, as I perch near my beloved, we will sit in my beautiful garden. You see, we put in flowers, blooming vines, flowering bushes, all kinds of exotic and not-so-exotic plants that surround our small yard in order to create an oasis. It the place where I can go and sit and dream of wonderful things, sip mojitos with Michael and laugh, swing under the breezy, night sky and pray, quietly enjoying my patch of peace. We built it in order to create our own Eden. I placed my carefully chosen statues, water fountain and bird bath. Torches and solar lights illuminate our newly created paradise. It's lovely, it is. If I remember, and let's not forget I am now older, I will post pictures of our garden. It is a place to feel grateful, to let go of the fear, let go of the anxiety and celebrate all that we have. Yep, it's all been pretty wonderful, in a time when wonderful was much needed and desired. I realized I have learned so much in the past year. I became a Financial Aid Advisor, something that had never even been on my radar before. I have met incredible people, some requiring my help, and some who have helped me. I have become practiced at letting go, though I am still not proficient, I am so much more accomplished than I had been. My love for my husband has grown exponentially in this time, too. It's such an incredible feeling to know I can love someone that much. It's opened me, allowed me to feel everything without reservation, or incrimination. The freedom in just being exactly who I am with someone and feeling that safe, that protected, well, there really aren't words to describe it. It allows me to be happy in whatever place I happen to be in at any given moment, even when it feels like I may fall apart. I get to be multi-faceted, three dimensional, completely whole. I guess, that is what real love does, allows me to feel whole all the time. In this last year I have been given the greatest gift I have received, the gift of feeling loved enough to just be me. My friends have given me this gift, my family has given me this gift, and now, even I have given me this wonderful opportunity to enjoy it all with hesitation. Yesterday, one of the student workers said, "I love you, Miss Kellie!" I replied with a wry smile, "Thank you so very much. That makes me happy. It's such a gift, not everybody feels that way." She looked and me and smiled, "I don't see why not? Does that bother you?" I smiled back at her young face, her innocence, and said, "I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am happy enough not to be changed by it, and old enough now, not to care. Remember, be you, Girl, just be you!" With that, we both laughed and went back to work.