It's All About Sex, Isn't It?

Cute little devil in the ultra sound picture, right? It's my son, Tom. He's 21 now. I chose to have him. I picked him and he picked me. I used my God given right as a woman and human being to make that choice. I would never make that choice for someone else. I am busy enough with my own life. I am busy enough with my own family, where I do not have the time or energy to make up laws that stifle personal choice. If I had that kind of time, I would paint my bedroom and renovate our bathroom. I thought long and hard about writing this. I had to because I feel the weight of it pressing on me like an anvil on my chest. It would be easier not to write about a political issue. They are sticky and come from a visceral place, so why not just stay out of it? Then I thought about my children. I would walk through fire for my kids. I would gladly take any bullet, be run over, risk myself in every way if I thought for one split second it would save them from harm. I am Catholic. I like being Catholic. I have my issues with religion in general, seeing how wars begin, conflict arises and the danger of absolute power if one thinks it is destined by God. I am not sure how God thinks of religion, but I have a feeling He would not be so happy with what has been done in His name. It was suggested to me by someone who I thought knew better that I should just leave my church if I didn't agree. That smacks of those who threaten to leave the country if the vote doesn't turn out to coincide with their beliefs. Why as a woman, if I do not agree should I leave? Maybe the powers that be should re-think their outdated, bigoted view of women and evolve. One man running for president said sex is for pro-creation only. In that argument birth control should be eliminated, abortion abolished and women relinquish their choice of having sex without getting pregnant. Another Congressional member is holding legislation hostage that protects women from domestic violence. Not since it was introduced in 1994, the year Nicole Simpson was nearly decapitated, has anyone opposed the law that helps keep women safe. The reason for this? He doesn't like gay people. It's a punishment of sorts against what he considers to be the social ruination of this country. One man with money to burn in the presidential campaign made a "joke" about holding an aspirin between a woman's knees as use as birth control. My hope is whoever he is sleeping with does that repeatedly until his soul is crushed and his peep withers and falls off. Oh, snap, just kidding. Every time I look at the news there is another man talking about women's health issues. A committee of five men got together in Congress to discuss such vital and personal issues. Since they have experienced the joy of menstrual cramps, child birth and menopause, we can certainly understand how they were chosen to represent women around the country in deciding exactly how we should be "handled". I will not stop being Catholic because I have different views than my archaic church who stated there were acceptable levels of pedophilia. I will not stop trying to change laws that hurt women. I will not stop running my mouth, as someone put it, to try and get others to see that if they want things to change, then they, too, must change. I see so much of the same mistakes being made with the expectation of different results. My belief is we change with education. I have spent my entire adult life time teaching my children about respect, not in the abstract, but with their person, with their partner, with every single person they come in contact with. I have taught my sons and my daughters that real love does not hurt. Real love, holds you close, protects you from harm, embraces that which is unique to only you. Real love comes from God, a higher evolved place of acceptance, forgiveness and wisdom. It shows patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion for that which we do not understand. I have taught my children if you get pregnant, whether or not you are are male or female, it is no longer about them. That is the Catholic law I have taught. It is our own personal belief system.I would never ask anyone who is not Catholic to believe as we believe. Not everybody is Catholic, so our beliefs would not apply. What we believe is the moment a child is conceived, the life that is created by them should be protected by them. We believe it is our responsibility to take care of those with whom we are a part. It's part of our faith, ideology, doctrine. I would never make it law, because as a Catholic I do not have to. I only have to follow the laws I choose to follow in the Catholic church. God having given free will had established long before I showed up, that every person has the choice to live as they believe. He didn't feel the need to legislate our individual behavior, so neither do I. The words "Big Government" ring my ears these days. What is bigger than forcing a raped women to go to a doctor who then is forced to use a vaginal wand to show her own pregnancy. What is bigger than insisting sex is only for creating life and nothing more? Being menopausal, does that mean I am no longer allowed to enjoy sex as a married woman with the man I am bound to under God? I can no longer have children, so do I now have the right to dictate terms to those who still can, how they should run their sex lives? Now ask me how I feel about a life created out of rape or incest? My daughters, have the right to move through and past an act of violence. My daughters have the free will to take the "After Pill". Hell, my daughters have the right to use birth control and wait until they are emotionally ready to carry a child. It is their life. I do not judge them for their choices because I raised thoughtful, smart and loving individuals. If they choose a path unique to them, it is their right. If they stand up to a church whose only goal with women's rights is to force the perpetuation of the church population, then I will stand with them. Mount Athos was given to Mary, the Virgin Mother, by Jesus. No woman is allowed on the mountain. They are considered a distraction. So while Jesus loved His mother, Mary, a woman, and He would give her one of the most beautiful places on earth, the men of the mountain only see women as a sexual diversion, a source of spiritual distraction as if each were carrying apples in their purse. Paul, a disciple, convinced women that having sex detracted from their relationship with God. The women wanting only to be close to their God, closed up shop and refused to yield to their husbands. The husbands, many powerful leaders, approached Paul and made him retract his statements, so they could once again lay with their wives. Men deciding for women what is spiritually right is not new. Men telling women they must serve them and their whims is not new. Men treating women as if they were second class citizens, not bright enough to make their own decisions, is not new. What feels new to me is that my government is in the dog fight of my church. 98% of Catholic women use some sort of birth control. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to look around mass and see the 1 or 2 children families, to figure out someone had taken preventative measures. I also can not for the life of me figure how out how getting rid of birth control will solve the abortion issue. I am pretty sure (snark) if you stop preventing pregnancy you will result with an increase in unwanted pregnancies. I am not sure how forcing women to have more illegitimate children will solve our welfare crisis when statistics show women and children are the primary users of the programs. My biggest head scratcher is why is this our big issue of the day? Why not let this alone and let women figure it out. Did the unemployment number balance out to 0? Did our debt to China disappear? Has Wall Street purged every problem and I am merely unaware? My church treats women like second class citizens. They have for hundreds if not thousands of years. It's a real problem. Women of the church are trying to make changes. Change will come to our church, because women are getting more frustrated than ever, their patience running thin, their blood boiling at the outdated ideology that puts them at risk, mind, body and soul. It used to be a mother would die to save a child; that is no longer the issue it once was. I was faced with that decision with my last child. The priest told me I must save the child even in the event of my own death. Danny, a lifetime Catholic, looked at me and yelled, "Is he fucking crazy? What about our other kids?" My husband, Danny, made me laugh at one of the toughest things I would face in my lifetime.Before I went in he said to the doc, "Do your job and save them both." She gave him the "What an ass" look. She had already planned on doing exactly that without his command, but I really thought the whole exchange was a little funny. I believed I lived for a reason. I believe part of the reason I am here is to teach our children and tell them how wonderful sex is, how it is given in grace by our God. How when with someone you really love,

you can see God, hence all that calling out His name. I have gone over things that embarrassed my children and myself because it was important for them to know how wonderful life, love and sex are. I taught my kids their bodies are walking miracles with wondrous capacity to express the deepest sort of love imaginable. I did not tell them they had to be married, or they had to be hetero, or they had to avoid birth control. Actually, I said every time they went out for any reason, "Use a condom!" I was here to prevent disease, unwanted pregnancy and promote safety. I didn't tell them it was OK to sleep around, abuse their body or someone else. I wanted them to know that human sexuality is beautiful. I wanted them to know that they are allowed to have their feelings even when it is inconvenient. What they are not allowed to do is be irresponsible about it. My children are the reason I will not be silenced. My children are the reason most days I want to be a better human being. My children and their children and their children are the reason we had better start treating women, their health, their sexuality, their being as important as their male counterparts. I have great faith that my sons will treat their spouses with tenderness and respect. I believe my daughters will stand tall in their own right being their spouse's equal. I believe their friends, wonderfully smart, talented young people will do the same and they will live in a world that is not so over wrought with problems that should have been solved a thousand years ago. I remain hopeful because and for them.