A Letter To My Children

I know you think you have heard all of my stories, and perhaps you have. But this one bears repeating. Sit down, turn off your phones and read this. It's important for you to know why you are here and what it took for us to come together as a family. These are things you need to know, while I am still able to tell you.

When I was a small child, I had friends who even at very young ages knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up. Women, in my generation, had fewer options than they do now, so picking a future vocation wasn't as challenging. Even as a tot, I knew I had talents, I could sing,act, write and play instruments. I could do math equations and read the written word and be touched by it. I could play hard, work harder and laugh easily. These things I knew I could do. What I wasn't sure of was what that meant for me. All I was certain of was that I wanted to be a mom.
As a tiny tot, I would line up six dolls all in a row in my little play house that I had set up in my families basement. The each had names and were individuals to me. I would dress them every morning, feed them the pretend food I had prepared and wave to their invisible father, as he headed off to his pretend job. I would spend hours in my basement caring for each of my "children" as the day flew by. I would cook, clean, give them nap time, sing them songs and play the little games I knew with them. I talked to them and told them how much I loved them and how happy I was they were with me. I was never lonely, even as I played by myself because I had the adoration and never ending love of my "kids". I comforted my dolls when they "cried", tucked them in when they were sleepy, and sang lullabies when they needed me to. I knew I was destined to be a mom, like some people know they are destined to be doctors or teachers. It was a certainty I had all my life.
When I met your father, he had told me all about how he wanted a big family. The first night we were together, I knew he was the one I would marry because we wanted the same things, to be parents.We talked more about you in future tense than we did ourselves in the present.
The days you were born, have been to this day, the greatest days of my life. I had waited so long for you to show up, it had left me breathless when you finally did. I can instantly recall seeing your faces in the exact moment I saw you for the first time. I remember thinking how amazing it was that I couldn't remember a single second of my life before you came along.
My Beloveds, you are reason enough for me to want to be better, do better and keep my heart open, even when things get tough, and I feel battered and bruised. You are my Academy Award, Pulitzer, Emmy and Grammy. You, my darlings, have taught me to see myself through your forgiving eyes and appreciate every day as the miracle it is.
I believe in answered prayers and miracles, because I have proof that God exists in you. I prayed for children, asking God to allow me the privilege to be your mom. I asked for the opportunity to see your faces and hold your hands. God answered my prayers each time one of you showed up.
I carried my six tiny children, just like I did when I was a child myself. When I lost two of you, I felt such heart break, such devastating loss, I thought I would not recover, but God offered me solace, hope and love in the four children who remained. I knew I had been blessed with six beautiful children, and that the two who left this earth would be well taken care of and waiting one day for me to show up.
My darlings, know this: I love you more than any words can allow. I spent my youth waiting for you to come into my life and take your rightful place in my heart. Every day I get to see your faces, hear your voices, feel the touch of your hands in mine, I know that my life's purpose is fulfilled. My covenant with God has come full circle. I asked for tiny miracles, He gave me so much more than I could have ever dreamed for myself.
While others had wanted adventure for their life, I thought I was asking for a more subdued existence. It turned out that I got the greatest adventure of all, I got you!