Thursday, December 29, 2011
JT Had a Good Idea
So Mike and I have been talking about making plans and here is why...I believe that "good luck" is preparedness meeting opportunity. Mike believes the same, and we both realize just exactly how lucky we have been. Even in the last couple of years when we were consumed by renovating, house hunting, job changes and the constant flux of our kids, things have managed to work out pretty well. Sure we spent some real time praying, but we also spent some real time planning and executing. Our preparedness has allowed us to be in the right places at the right times, not without some disruption and a little whining, but we made it where we needed to go.
This coming year I think we deserve a little more "us" and a little less "them" regardless of who the "them" is. The last couple of days we have been talking about what we want to do for us and where we want to go. It's an interesting concept to discuss moving, or staying or big changes that have nothing to do with what schools there are, or how our kids will be effected. We have talked to the kids about our future and they have generously told us to do what we want.
Basically what they said was this in a nut shell: "You two always tell us to be happy and do what we want, well, do the same. We want you two to be happy, so go figure it out." Hmmmm, I thought, "go be happy..." What a novel concept, to go and just do what we want, when we want, the way we want it. I haven't had that thought since 1985. There is a lot of freedom in our kids letting us go wherever we want. I see in their faces they mean it, too. I must say it is one thing this family does quite well, the idea of letting each live according to their wants and happiness. Ours is an accepting family. We all want the others to find their happiness. They are really good, kind, generous kids. It's without a doubt, impressive.
While Mike and I were talking I brought up a single notion that had nearly escaped us for the last few months. I looked at my beloved and said this simple statement,"In 2012, I am bringing sexy back." Mike looked at me smiling with a glint in his eye, "Yeeeeessss, I am listening..." "Well," I continued, "We have been so caught up in other stuff I think we need to bring back the hot. I would like this year to be about us, the us that used to be smoking hot, the us that used to date, who used to dance, who used to get caught up in the moment forgetting where we were. I really would like to bring that 'us' back." Mike leaned in and kissed me. "I like it. It's a good and lofty goal. You can count me in."
Anyone who has been married for any length of time and has kids knows it is nearly impossible to keep the focus on the relationship. I think we all start out saying we won't change, but life happens and kids are time consuming, so change is inevitable. I realized something a few years ago, nearly all of my close friends do not have kids. My friends know the work and sacrifice it takes to keep kids on track because they actually listen to me. I don't think some folks without kids understand how difficult it is all the time. Mike and I have our jobs, his is uber stressful and I have three part-time jobs, then there are the household duties like cleaning out the cat box, doing laundry, shopping, cooking, home repair, car repair, errands, lawn care and on and on. By the time we sit down to relax it is our bed time so we have enough energy to turn right around and start all over the very next day. We are not unusual, we are actually a stereo type, a cliche. One day while we were in Lowe's picking up whatever plumbing part we needed at the moment I looked at us and how we were dressed. Both of us had gotten up and donned our "work" clothes. I stood staring at Mike and then at myself and gasped. "My God! We look like homeless people!" Mike still looking at fittings stopped and glanced in my direction briefly stating, "No, we look exactly like someone who owns a home and now has to spend all their time and money fixing it."
We made a few other stops before going home and it occurred to me that we should feel a little embarrassed. It really wasn't so much about what other people thought, I could care less about that, but about what we thought of each other.
At one store I had picked up these shoes, these gorgeous "throw me down on the bed and have your way with me" shoes. I then looked at the hideous, paint splattered, worn out tennis shoes I was wearing. "Look at the shoes I have become..." Mike looked at the sexy shoes and then down at my tennis shoes. "You are still the CFM shoes. We just haven't have had the time for you to wear them recently." "Am I?" I asked in all sincerity. "Am I still the wildly sexy shoes that drive you crazy?" Michael took me in his arms in the middle of the discount store and whispered this in my ear, "Baby, you will always be the sexy shoes no matter where we are or what you are wearing." I melted like a pat of butter on a hot summer day.
It was precisely in that moment I decided it was time to bring sexy back. It's not really about sex, it's about the hours of foreplay we have been missing out on. It's about the getting dressed for each other, the quiet romantic dinners, the glasses of wine, the slow dances in the bar where it's just us, just him and me and not one other single thing exists in the world. We have had moments, really fleeting moments of that, but we have been so consumed with family and other stuff, we have sort of gotten lost in the shuffle. I think this is the year we shift our focus from family to couple.
My first order of business was New Year's Eve. We used to go out, I used to dress in high heels, hair perfectly coiffed, Mike in a suit, smelling so delicious I wanted to bite him. If I meant what I had said, then we needed to go out for New Year's Eve, just the two of us. I called our favorite restaurant in town and made reservations for 9PM. "I hope we can stay up long enough to eat," Michael joked. I laughed at my boy, hugging him, as it was me whispering in his ear this time, "I really am bringing sexy back in 2012. It's going to be a really good year, ya know." Michael dipped me and said, "Oh, I know it is. When you make up your mind to something, I have no doubt it will happen. I'm just glad it's happening with me."
2012, you are going to really be something. I can't wait to see what is next for "us".