Saturday, December 24, 2011

Simple Gifts



Back when the children were young they would gladly and with great enthusiasm dress up for pictures for Christmas. As they aged they became well, uh, less enthusiastic. What started out as a Christmas tradition ended up a family fight. In recent years it went a little like this: "Why do we have to do this again?" "Stop getting so close to me, you moron, you need to shower." "I can't find anything to wear." "He keeps touching me and I can't stand it." "Has anyone seen Tom?" "I don't have time for this." "This is stupid."
Needless to say, having older, adult kids made my simple tradition more, let's say, challenging. In the end someone always looked as though they had escaped from some sort of prison camp. Sighing deeply, I would give up and try to remember what it was like to be that age. Michael would lecture about being selfless, while the others grumbled their unhappiness at being "forced" to participate.
My kids, not really kids at all, all have responsibilities away from home. They have friends, jobs, school, cars to maintain, bills to pay and all kinds of adult things they need to take care of. Family Christmas obligations have slowly slipped down to the bottom of their list.
I get it, I do. On one hand I think it only takes a few minutes to make me happy, but on the other hand I know they have done things for me over the years, and maybe I should change my expectations. There have been recent years when I would just give up. It wasn't really worth the fights and misery to get them all together, even for a few a minutes. The pressure of Christmas was on them too, now, so maybe it was time to flip the script.
This year it was Betty who asked for pictures for the grandparents and us. Being the one who always has a camera at the ready, she texted everyone a time to get together and get it done. The time came and went, there were some who got stuck at work, others were sleeping in due to late nights working and still others just didn't feel it enough to care. Betty got frustrated and said, "Why bother? We should just forget it!" I looked at her and smiled, knowing how frustrating it is to get them all together for anything. "Hang on, I just got a text, Christy will be here in an hour, Dan is coming and Tom is ready. Just give it another hour. Please!"
Betty grumbled and decided, for me, she would wait a little longer to try and get it done.
Our kids are busy, the kind of busy that sucks the joy out of holidays and makes it nearly impossible to even have a meal together. If not for the leftovers they would not know what we had for holiday dinners. It does get frustrating, not being able to be in the same room, let alone the same activity. Being in our house does not make them children, it makes them more roommates than anything. I send them messages of what needs to be done or things they need to take care of. They are more sounds, nearly apparitions that float in and out of our house, with only a slamming door or a starting car to prove their existence.
The hour passed and within minutes of the deadline, my kids poured into the living room. They were not dressed in their Christmas best, or for some even enthusiastic, but they were there, all of them in the same room at the same time.
"It's a Christmas miracle!" I exclaimed. They shot me a look that would have killed a lesser human being. Betty set up her camera and set the timer. They posed, they hammed it up, and they, laughing and cutting up took all the pictures without incident. There we were, our family all together in front of the Christmas tree for the first time in years. You could not have wiped the smile from my face.
An hour after they had appeared, they all vanished, leaving behind them only the memory of the happy photo session that is now documented for me and their extended family. "Look..." I said, pointing to the pictures showing Mike, "I have proof that we are a happy family!" Michael laughed and hugged me whispering in my ear, "We are, we just forget sometimes."
Tonight, we as a family, will be celebrating Christmas just after midnight. No one wants to get up early anymore, including Michael and I. We did that schtick for years. Now we all just want to uncork the champagne, open some gifts, eat some food and sleep in. We are together, with no one being away, or at work, or obligated elsewhere. We will be a family, whole and happy for one more Christmas. Next year, I seriously doubt we will be this fortunate. Some are planning to work abroad, others are planning to move up north and others will have jobs that keep them at work on Christmas. It is the way of it for our family, where most are just starting their lives.
I wish for all of you the gift of being with those you love. I wish you peace and joy and utter happiness.
We will be having a very merry Christmas, I have proof(see above).

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