The Remedy for Cool

"if you are in the same age group as my dad, you're too old to ask me out. And fyi, I'm at work to serve mediocre Italian food to the masses, not to get hit on and harassed. The fact that you had to put on your readers to write down your number to give to me is just too much!" December 17, 2011.



The picture of the beautiful girl, well, she is my beautiful daughter, my nearly 24 year old daughter to be exact. I was browsing facebook to see what my adults are up to and there was her status. I laughed so hard I nearly woke the dad mentioned above. The thought of someone our age being with our daughter, well, I think that is gross. Maybe I think that because she thinks it. I know there are happy couples with large age differences, but this is more about the old men hitting on someone who is clearly not interested. She came home one night after going out and described men who were once again mine and Mike's ages, hitting on her, asking to buy her drinks and then after her refusal pretty much following her around. Now that is really gross. Girlie's response to these type of advances are always the same, she has this thing where she can say something so mean in such a way you don't even know she has cut you until much later.

She can handle herself. She is smart and savvy and not about to go out with some old man when there are plenty of interested young ones. Of course, my comment was if she had any real daddy issues they would found her working the pole instead of a restaraunt. I told my daughter these guys are the remedy for cool.

I had the same thing when I was young and older men who thought they were still bringing their "A" game hit on me. It seemed someone should tell them that the maintenance they have to do on their ear hair, nose hair, random white chest hair, really any hair that is not on their usually balding by now head, is something that no one in the twenties are going to understand. I don't know how men miss the fact that they are no longer cool. It still floors me when an older man who buys a sports car, and tries so hard to be a hippster, doesn't see that the only one he has convinced that he is still cool is himself.

She and I had a conversation one night about older men. Christy asked, "You dated older guys, didn't you?" I thought for moment, "Yeah, I was in my thirties and I dated a guy who was older. Ultimately the age difference was too big." She looked at me and asked, "What about they way he looked?" Again I paused, "I was never interested so much in how they looked as much as how they acted. I dated the guy because he was more into me than he was himself. I was in my thirties, still young enough to be out doing things but I had a family and most the guys my age were still staring at their own reflections. I needed someone with a little more substance. It was fun for a while, but he was too old, and we didn't really have anything in common. I didn't need another generation gap in my life." Christy laughed. I could see the whole "Eeewww!" thing happening for her. "Mike is older than you," she pointed out. "Yes, but only by three years. We still reference the same bands, the same events, we went to college together. Three years is nothing. We have nearly everything in common. I think it just makes things easier. Besides he knows how old he is and doesn't try to be 'cool' anymore. Once you hit 50, I think it's time to let that go. Aging gracefully is half the battle." Christy looked at me and said, "All I could think of when the guy gave me his number was he looked as old as my dad. That and he could not pull off the v-neck sweater he was wearing, at least not without an under shirt. His white chest hair was poking out." And with that we both fell out laughing.
I have been observing the amount of people in my generation who are still trying to "party like a rock star". And yes, I have heard it put that exact way. They have kids the same ages as mine and it makes me wonder why at this time in our lives they still have to work so hard at being "cool". Personally, after forty, I was relieved that I was no longer expected to know the things hippsters know, keep up with all the changing music, hair styles or clothing. It's a lot of maintenance. Besides, I never wanted to be that mom who borrows her daughters clothes and then insists on telling people, as my mortified daughter stands by looking at me horrified, wishing me gone. I am not letting myself go as much as I am letting go of the idea that I will ever be a "cool kid" anymore. I had that time in my life and parts of it were glorious, and parts were utterly impossible. I think the coolest thing in the world is the really smart and funny person who doesn't even know they are cool. They wear what they like and go and do what they want with no concern about how it may or may not look. It seems nearly impossible to be "cool" if that is your goal. The ones who expend so much effort in the "cool" department usually look anything but. The middle aged man with sports car looks desperate, sorry guys, but it is so accepted as a cliche there is no other way to look at it. The older man who shops too much, spends much of his time manscaping, well, the really "cool" guys I know do some of that but spend most of their time living life rather than appearing in it. The women I find fascinating are the ones who are out trying new things now that the kids are gone. They are the ones who laugh easily without worrying about their face or their next botox appointment. I think it is fine to try and not wear the same things for thirty years, but if your over forty I do not care how in shape you are, your skin a little crepe-y so please put a whole shirt on. Bikini's, are for the young, firm bodies of the twenties and thirties, not the desperate for attention woman who cannot reconcile the fact that she now has a daughter the same age she wishes she were. Unless you are Heidi Klum, who by the way is a complete anomaly, so ladies do not try that at home.

I suppose it is each to his own, but for the sake of humility and a little dignity, gentlemen, if you have lost the hair on your head, but found it in new and unexpected places, if you have to put on your readers to see a menu, watch a movie, or drive a car, if you are old enough to be someone's father, remember the Vietnam War or beta max, then it might be best if you realize that you are no longer "cool" but the remedy for it. One day you will thank me. The girls in their twenties already have.