Asked and Answered

I have recently been a little panicked about whether or not the book will sell. My family like every family has to face the daunting economic down turn. We are just as effected as any family in this country. Was it smart to write and publish a book right now? Probably not, but the truth of the matter is, it's never a good time to jump off a cliff and hope for the best. I had to, at some point, put my money where my mouth was with my kids. I have preached ad nauseum that if you do what you love the money will come. It's scary to have to back up your beliefs with nothing but hopes and dreams and a little faith. I wrote the book hopeful it would sell. I dreamed about the day I could put the book in others hands and hear what they brought to the book in their own personal stories. I have to walk in faith and believe that if I use the talent God gave me then all would work out for the best.

I am not opposed to begging people to help sell the book, but I will admit that asking folks on a daily basis to help me spread the word has been uncomfortable at times. I have never been one to extend my hands, palms up, requesting a hand out. I wouldn't say it is strictly about pride, although I would be remiss if I said I had none, but more about not wanting to impose myself on others. I am reminded by my family quite regularly recently that I am not asking for a hand out, but rather a hand up. That seems more palatable to me. I, myself have no difficulty helping those who need a hand up. They also remind me that I have done the work in writing the book, so I am not asking for anyone to support something I haven't worked for. I like that, so I keep those words in my head when I am on the phone or in person asking for help.

I have been praying more lately for opportunities. I have been spending quality spiritual time asking for a sign that this is the right path for me and my family. I am open to waiting, however I do not want my family to pay any unnecessary price. Each morning when I get up I ask for guidance, patience and opportunities to be a positive force in the world. I have recently gotten some pretty clear and wonderful answers.

A couple of weeks ago I was praying for the men in my life. There was a storm brewing at my house while I was a way promoting the book. For those of you who have read my book, you know that I receive pennies from heaven. I was praying long and hard for my boys, all three of them to be taken care of and watched over. I was travelling with my parents and I have a nervous bladder. Needless to say, I needed to stop in the middle of nowhere to go to the bathroom. My dad found a service station and pulled over. I read a sign on the door that said,"No public restrooms inside. Portables in back." I walked around back to discover two Johnnie-on -the -spots that looked like they hadn't been serviced in years. I climbed into one and nearly fell over from the smell. Luckily for me, I am gifted at peeing standing up. Enough years of rustic camping has taught me that sitting down is a luxury not a necessity. I was in and out in record time. As I was walking back to their car I looked own to see 3 pennies on the ground right behind the car. I knew my prayers were heard and all would be O.K. I breathed a huge a sigh of relief due to the empty bladder and answered prayer and relaxed for the rest of the trip.

This past week I have had to face the prospect of going back to work if the book sales doesn't improve. At first I panicked and felt overwhelmed at the idea of promoting my current book, working on my next title and working a part time job, all while still being mother, wife, chief, cook and bottle washer. I have worked several jobs at once and I can tell you I am not as good at multi-tasking as I would hope. My prayers in the last week have been simple. "Show me the doors that I need to knock on." Everyday I would get up early, pray in silence and then get busy working on promoting my book. I would look up at the end of the day, hours later , still at the computer, not feeling as if I had accomplished much. Until yesterday...

I called a local book store in Nacogdoches Texas, about 2 1/2 hours away from Houston and just asked if they carry local authors. The next thing I knew I was faxing back forms to Hastings Books, Music, and Videos about how they would be carrying 25 of my books and I would be doing a signing on September 19, 2009 from 1 PM to 3 PM. The young woman I spoke with was kind and thoughtful and understanding. I couldn't have asked for a nicer person to help me. So there it was. I got my answer. I am now in my second book store. I breathed a giant, joyful sigh of relief and felt better than I have in days.

I am not sure how others make it through their trials without having a spiritual life to depend on. One person told me once that I pray because I am too weak to realize I am in this alone. I see how they could think that way. The world can be a cruel place at times. But for me, I have had too many little miracles, too many answers to looming questions to not believe in a power greater than the piece of meat encased in my skull. More times than I can count I have had help exactly when I needed it the most, simply because I asked in a quiet prayer, early in the morning. I am too weak to handle everything on my own, that much is true. I am dependent on my faith to guide me when I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing.

My mom used to say "What's the worst thing that can happen if you ask?" The worst thing is being told "No." I have had my fair share of that answer, too.

But in the end, for me, I just never want to get to the point when I feel so isolated and alone, like I have nothing going for me, that I am too afraid to ask.