Next

I keep thinking about what is next for me. I have been obsessively making lists of all the things I have to do.

1. Get ready for cocktail book release party on 17th in Houston
2. Get media kits ready for party
3. Obsess over low ranking on Amazon.com
4. Lie in fetal position and cry like a child due to previously low rankings
5. Berate myself for crying like a child
6. Get back to getting ready for party
7. Write in morning random babbling that will later be ripped apart to form stories
8. Throw notebook across room after abject frustration sets in
9. Go back and obsess about rankings again
10. Pace like a wild animal trying to come up with subjects to write about
11. Look through want ads for a "real" job and stop this writing nonsense
12. Remember I am my happiest when I write
13. Do writing exercises to increase brain flow
14. Look up 3 hours later and realize I have written another story
15. Look at the house that needs cleaning and wish for a maid
16. Make dinner because I have to or the family will starve, since no one can find their way to the fridge
17. Think about how hard Mike has to work in order for me to do this
18. Feel overwhelmed and guilty and go back to the fetal position
19. Obsess over rankings and pray that someone discovers me
20. Look around and realize I won't succeed if I don't try
21. Try harder
22. Try again
23. Keep trying
24. Remember that my family loves me and wants me to be happy
25. Be happy!

Tomorrow is another day and another list. As long as I continue to wake up, there is hope.