Coming of Age

Mike and I are coming of age right when our children are coming into their own. Just as getting grey hair and still having acne, it all seems very unfair. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful everyday I wake up and my feet still hit the floor no matter what age I am. Still, it's difficult to grow up or grow older when you are surrounded by youngsters that are in turmoil themselves.

The shift that is occurring should be more natural, in my estimation. Hitting the time in your life when you can start making plans for the back 30 of your life should be more seamless. After years of being the maintenance department for kids, animals and home, this should be the time in our lives when we get to kick back a little and take a look around and see what exactly it is we want for our future together. But alas, it is not to be. The kids, house and animals are still the main focus of our attention. Mostly, though, it's the kids. They are at the point where they are trying to figure things out. What to be, where to go and how to get there. For Mike and me, we sit and and listen and occasionally try to guide. Inevitably, they need to find their own way and often look at us as though we have three heads.

We, both, worry about decisions we see as potentially harmful. As grateful as we are that we don't face drug problems, or alcohol abuse and no one that we know of is out having unprotected sex or sex of any kind that we know of, we still have our own worries for our kids. Right now, we worry more because they seem worried more. We are watching our kids deal with big adult decisions at a time when they feel the most vulnerable. They instinctively know that they rule their worlds and whatever they dish up will end up on their plates. It's tough watching your kids wrestle with the decisions of life. As a parent you know the dangers that are out there, big and small. Even if you are lucky enough to avoid the big problems of young adulthood, you still see all the small things that can add up pretty fast. I think of it like using plastic to pay for things. When you are young, you think you are doing the correct math and have enough money to pay for things. You forget about interest rates, fees and sales tax. Before you know it all your little purchases have added up to an inordinately large amount of debt with little to show for it. That is how it gets you, all the small, seemingly insignificant things that can weigh a person down.

Mike and I are having our own coming of age party. We aren't as fluid as we used to be. We are getting to the point where we don't want to have to fix stuff all the time. our bedtime is earlier and yet we sleep less now, than we ever have. Irony seems to rule our world. We are looking forward, but it's with one eyeball pointed behind to keep watch for the kids and house and animals. This is also getting more difficult with fading eyesight.

We are changing so much. The kids are getting more independent everyday. The house is getting ready for it's close up, so it can be sold. Mike, me and the pets are getting ready for a quieter, more peaceful existence. I was wistfully sighing the other day as Mike and I were grocery listing all the things that needed done. "I wish things didn't have to come at us all at once." "I know, Kel, but this is going to be O.K. Once we get the house done..." Michael's voice faded. And then we both started laughing hysterically. Yes, things were going to be alright, but the truth is, just as we finish one project another rears it's ugly head. We are a big family by today's standards. We have people coming and going at every hour of the day. One car gets fixed and another breaks. One child gets answers and another has a crisis. One adult feels great and another suddenly pulls a hamstring while sleeping. It's all just preposterous.

Is it completely unfair that just when my kids become teenagers menopause hits? Yes, it is. Is it absolutely ridiculous that just as Michael and I start getting ready to downsize they all talk of coming home? Absolutely! Is it cruel that although I was able to carry tiny purses the entire time my kids were little, which was no easy fete, that now due to home improvement projects I now have to strap on a purse so large it's akin to a backpack? Without a doubt.

One morning I put a phone call out to my mom for reassurance that all would work out just as I had hoped. "It all just feels like too much. It's unfair." I whined at my mother with hands open for her large dose of wisdom and unconditional love. Mom immediately breaks into a fit of the giggles. "No one told you life was fair." Mom says while continuing to laugh. "Thanks for nothing."I say, moping. "If you want sympathy, just ask, but know this is all part of life. You'll survive. You always do. I love you, by the way." "How did you manage all those years when everything was jumbled up?" I ask with a new found respect. "What choice did I have? You do what you have to do and get on with it." Mom says, as a matter of fact. "I guess so, but how hard was it on you? Did you resent having to deal with everything at once?" I ask. "Look, Kel, things continue to change all your life. Enjoy where you are today, because tomorrow it will all be different anyway." Mom sighed,"It all goes so fast. Don't be such a hurry." "Thanks, Mom. I love you." I said holding the phone as if I were hugging my mom. "I love you, too. Now don't you have a ton of work to do? Get busy and call me later this week and let me know how things are going." With that I hung up the phone and knew my mom was feeling the distance between Ohio and Texas as much as I was. I felt better about where I was and how I was going to get through it all. I thought about my mom all day and how much I loved her. I worked my butt off on the house while our kids traipsed in and out all evening long with papers for me to sign, phone calls for me to make and appointments to be verified. Mike worked even harder putting in a 16 hour day at work, calling in once to check on how we all were.

We are in the grips of a full throttle metamorphosis. From a place of gratitude, I am going to call my mom and tell her how I am painting the kitchen cabinets and that the kids and Mike and me are just fine.