Knock, knock, who's there?

I am in the process of trying to get an agent. What I mean is I write a "query", no, not a small gay boy, but a request for the agent to look at my work. It means I have to have no ego, yet act like I have a legitimate reason for them to want to review further what I have to offer. It is basically me asking for rejection, which I receive now on a daily basis. It is the equivalent of an emotional root canal.

I picked this door for the image of this blog because it represents antiques and I am starting to feel like whoever ends up with me will have to do the same. I am for most purposes a bit of an antique. I like my age, because I would not have the same calm presence or grit to do what I do now. Youth doesn't like to beg, but age understands the need for it now and then.

I am in the process of knocking on every door. Screw what is appropriate for now. I have to bet on shear odds. I have to not only knock on every door, but practically push my way in. If I get so much as an inch I will definitely shove my foot in the doorway until someone gives me my shot. It is the way of it in all things. My oldest child, an artist, whose knowledge of art history blows me away, will talk of the political ramifications of trying to get one's art sold. It isn't for sissies. College graduates tell harrowing tales of mass rejection in the job market except for those who simply don't give up. Persistence is the key to success in every field. Writing is one the fields, where everybody knows how difficult it is to break in. A writer must be willing to to work everyday at "breaking in" and stealing their opportunities.

I am the Phyllis Diller of writers. She was another one of those 20 year overnight success stories. She raised her kids and began her career in earnest when her family was grown. I relate to the idea of doing what you have to do in order to do what you want to do. I knew even as I wrote 10-15 years ago that I had to wait until the time was right, not just for me but for the rest of my family. So here I am trying to get my lead zeppelin off the ground.

I know I did the right thing by waiting until my kids were on their own or nearly so. It hasn't been easy waiting, wondering if I will ever get the chance to be the writer I think I can be. The ticking clock looms large over my head, as I try and compete against people half my age with twice the stamina. The advantage I have is practiced patience. Youth is driven, but impatient, being reward based. I am a mother of four. The only reward I will ever get is seeing them get to live their dreams. That experience makes all this knocking, and begging and rejection look like a cake walk.