You an Be Anything You Want to Be...Or Can You?

Yesterday I received a package in the mail. It was my book back from Barnes and Noble with a rejection letter. I have gotten lots of rejection letters, enough to wall paper a room, but this time it was personal for me. They hadn't even read or looked at the book. They didn't reject the idea of putting the book on their shelves because I am a bad writer, or they had a bad day, or even because they hate the color blue. The rejected it, quite out of hand , simply because it is a POD that is produced by Booksurge, an Amazon company. POD means simply, published on demand. I rather liked that idea, if for no other reason than it saves trees. By not publishing thousands at a time they reduce waste and cost.
After I got the letter and paced around the house mumbling expletives under my breath, I thought about what I tell my kids. I have said to them all of their lives "You can be anything you want to be." Now, I wonder. Barnes and Noble and Borders isn't just rejecting me, they are now rejecting carrying any POD books. Some say it's because of the economy, others say it's pressure from publishing companies and still others have some unique ideas about why the big chains won't carry us POD authors.
I was just in Barnes and Noble last week. My eldest needed a book on French and we went to scope out my competition. Lining the shelves in my genre were some of the most atrocious people published by mainstream publishing companies. One in particular caught my eye. She is a "Real Housewife" and ex-stripper. Another was caught in a sex tape scandal, and still another has been seen, quite literally, without her panties on coming out in public several times.
"That's my problem," I said to my daughter while looking at the "authors" in front of me, "I still wear underwear. I don't have a cocaine habit, and I treat my kids and animals like they matter." "Don't be bitter", she said as she mocked another title. Again and again I saw "celebrities" who could barely speak the English language splashed on the covers of books as if they were the next Pulitzer winner. Don't misunderstand my knowledge of my own limited talent. I am hardly Einstein or Hemingway, but I could really use some encouragement about now. One book was all about how a guy drank and slept his way around different places. A travel guide for delinquents?
My eldest is an artist and a good one. She is an art history major. Her mind retains the most obtuse facts that I, as a mere mortal cannot even begin to imagine. She is brilliant. I know I am her mother, but trust me when I say she is stunning. She has corrected the History Channel more than once. She has been like that since she was a child. She frequently, as of late, questions her major and her future financial viability. I used to think she had nothing to worry about. Now, I wonder myself, what the hell is going on?
I was raised to believe hard work and tenacity would be my greatest assets. More and more convicted felons are on my TV or covering books in some form or fashion. Torture and kill animals? No problem, here's 2 million dollars for your trouble. Now get out there and have a great game! Hang naked off a pole? Excellent, if you sign here we will give you your own show and a book deal, but please for sanitary reasons, use your own pen. Can't find any clean underwear? No problem, if you promise to open wide and say "ahhh" on your way out of your limo we will put you on every cover of every magazine and give you a cut of the proceeds. It really is a win/win.
I can't get an agent because I have never been published before, so no one can recommend me. I can't get published by a traditional publishing house because I don't have an agent. I can self publish, but then I won't be allowed in the national stores which would give the book any kind of exposure. I could however, sleep with a drugged up celebrity ( not hard to find) take a video of it and put it on the web and Tadah! Magically, I will be swimming in offers. Jon, from Jon and Kate Plus Eight's only talent is having sextuplets and twins and being an idiot and he has his own show. If he gets busted for drugs or hookers, he could end up with a book deal and appearances on all the morning talk shows, even more than he has now for just being an idiot..
Am I bitter? Hell yeah, I am. I am an actual writer who writes everyday. I work my butt off trying to get into small book stores, who by the way, have been awsome to me. Plus, I still have a family to take care of. I actually had to take care of my kids all the time without a nanny. Can you believe it? As a single mother, I worked 2 jobs, went back to school and still wrote, with NO NANNY! Or money, but that is for another day. I tell my kids to dream big because they can do anything, while I watch the world promote, publicize and reward the ignorant, lawbreaking and just plain dirty girls and boys. In the words of my daughter, "Gross!"
So, after all that ranting, do I still believe in the American dream? Today is not a good day for me to answer that. I kind of do, but begrudgingly. I know that the average American person is still decent and kind and generous. They are actually the ones who ride above the curve, unlike those we see too much of. So for them and my kids, yes, I still believe. I am disheartened by all the crap that seems to be going on. I have to confess that I am usually the last man standing in times of trouble. I am normally the one cheer leading everybody else on. My kids view me as a total Pollyanna when it comes to dealing with bad crap. For me to even question if the world is going to hell in a hand basket is big. If not for hope, what then?
This is what I am certain of, I know that I believe my readers when they relate to the book and tell me their own stories. I believe that the bulk of us need hope, faith and a little reassurance, so that is what I will continue to try and provide in anything I write. Nice really does matter, even when TV's , radios and bookstore chains refuse to acknowledge it. Am I still bitter? Sure, for today I am. I will go back to getting the kitchen cabinets painted, run the vacuum and make another list of a million things I need to squeeze in for tomorrow. I will remain grateful for the little book stores who have graciously had me in the stores and signing books. I will remember to be gracious back, so they will know for certain how important they are to all of us.