Thursday, August 27, 2009

Honoring Robert Fickle



Robert Fickle of Columbus, Ohio passed away this week. he was a retired teacher, loving husband and devoted father...and my uncle.

My Uncle Bob was the kind of uncle who teased and talked and taught every time he laid eyes on you. He'd steal your pumpkin pie one minute and then have a serious conversation with you the next. His love of his own family was so powerful, it couldn't help, but spill over onto everyone around them. My Uncle Bob was the one who held my hand when my grandmother, his sister passed away. My children and I were staying at his house. The quilts were warm, the floors creaked in familiar song and Aunt Mary always had a pot of coffee and a piece of pie waiting for us after our hospital visits with my grandma. It was home. That's who my Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary have been to all of our family, they have been our home.

To thousands of high school kids, he was Mr. Fickle, the shop teacher. He was the guy who made them tow the line, supported their efforts and always encouraged them to reach higher. He took his teaching skills home with him. His life as a child was not an easy one, yet he continued to find hope, love and faith everyday he drew breath. He taught that lesson to every single person he came in contact with. If you didn't get that lesson right away, he would patiently continue teaching until it finally sunk in.

My Uncle Bob was the one who made me laugh for the first time about every bad thing that ever happened to me. After my full medical arrest, my memory was weak and I had trouble remembering people, places or things. The first time Uncle Bob saw me I began telling him how bad it all was for me. "Don't worry, Kid, you will remember the good and the bad? Who needs it? Memories are overrated. You remember me, right? Well what else could you need?" And then he laughed his unique laugh that infectiously grabbed me and had me in stitches before I knew it. During my divorce, he looked me square in the eye and said,"Love doesn't hurt. Do you understand?" "Yes, I understand." I said back to him. His eyes told me more than his words and I knew exactly the point he was trying to make. He was living proof of what a great marriage consisted of. He and my Aunt Mary were married for 50 years and they were happy. They remained grateful for each other and their children every single day. They were each other's best friend. They tag-teamed in and around their lives to serve others. The celebrated each other and their family as often as they could. They never missed an opportunity to say how much they loved each other or all the members in their very large extended family, including me.
Uncle Bob leaned into me and whispered,"Find someone who will be your best friend first. That love never goes away." With that profound message I noticed he had stolen all of my cookies and had quickly gobbled up them up before I could protest. "Thanks," I said as I looked down at my empty plate. "No problem, I am here to help," Uncle Bob began brushing crumbs from his upper lip.
That was my Uncle Bob in a nut shell. His kindness and compassion were completely matched with his humor. I never got one without the other. His love was all encompassing and inclusive. He and Aunt Mary invited everyone over all the time. There was never a time when it wasn't convenient for them. Walking into their house was like residing in a hug.
Plans are being made to bury my uncle. I live in Texas and will not be able to go. My mother, who was extremely close to him is mourning the loss also. I will not be able to comfort her now, either. It is heartbreaking for me that I will not get to say my last goodbye to the uncle, who taught me so many great lessons that helped create the beautiful life I now live. I will do the only thing I can and live the biggest lesson he taught; I will take care of my family here in Texas. I am honoring my Uncle Bob every time I love my family and take of them. I honor him and his life's work by being there for those who need me, and continuing to teach the big life lessons. I will pray for my Aunt Mary and his children and grandchildren. They are so much a part of him, so much like him. My only hope is that someone in their tight band remembers to steal someone else's pie.

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