My Girl

Everything I seem to know about kids/children I learned from my children. Oh, I so love irony! They have been the ones to reel me in when my head and heart aren't making the connections they should. I raised them to be outspoken and opinionated. I was in fact, a success if that were my only parenting goal. I have been saying the same speeches for years. They interrupt me as I am about to lecture on whatever subject we are in the middle of and say word for word verbatim all the things they have heard me say in the past. It's unnerving, but it makes me laugh. They know me better than any other person on earth. Even Michael doesn't see me like they do. In some respects, my kids and I are war buddies. We were together during the very thin times when life ceased as we knew it. I think about all the things I was unable to provide and the guilt overwhelms me. It is in these seemingly insignificant moments that they stop me in my tracks and tell me to let it go. They tell me I have been a good mother and they never felt unloved. That is something isn't it? But as their mother I still suffer from the guilt that has existed since the dawn of time.
Right now, I have all my kids at home, minus one. My minus one has been gone now for about four years and isn't going to be coming home, at least for the next year or maybe ever again. She is my oldest. She has been my experimental child. I made all the big mistakes on her first. Not having a manual at my bedside to refer to as each new stage occurred, I was dependent on apologizing and her endless forgiveness. She has been very generous with me over the years.
I have a unique relationship with all my kids. It didn't take much work, all I had to do was let them be themselves. As individuals, I sat back and watched them form into very different people, who happened to have the same parents. You can see the likeness on their faces, but that is where it begins and ends. No two have the same political views. No two agree on everything together like some goofy double mint commercial. Each is very different from the next, except when it comes to their loyalty to each other. They are fierce when it comes to protecting each other from any outsider who dares to cross the line. I never worry about what will happen to them once I am gone. They collectively, are my voice and will take care of each other.
Christy, my oldest, has the loudest voice, the largest heart, the brain that remembers every fact she has ever read, meanest temper in the moment and the innate ability to get every body's attention. You know she is really angry, I mean totally pissed off when she sits back, folds her arms and says absolutely nothing. Inevitably we have all fallen victim to what comes next. As the person she is dealing with you think, quite mistakenly that she is giving you an opportunity to say what you want uninterrupted. MISTAKE!!!!!! What she is doing is slowly but very assuredly erasing you from her personal blackboard. When my beautiful girl gives you "the look", and trust me you will know when you get it, it means she is officially done and you will spend the next several weeks groveling your way back into her life. She wields her power with grace much of the time. She is not quick to anger, she waits to see if there is hope for the situation before she begins to tally the good and bad and execute her next move. She sounds so calculated, huh? Because she is. She gets that from her father. She is definitely her father's child. His DNA is all over beautiful face and her calm demeanor. Make no mistake she is one of the kindest, most forgiving people I know. That is IF one is smart enough to apologize. If someone makes the mistake in thinking she will forget or just get over it, they could not be more wrong. What I like about this attribute the most, even though I have suffered because of it, she is just. If she gets to the point where she is that angry, it is always because some grave injustice has occurred and she is unwilling to tolerate it.
She calls me out. She has the guts of a pro football player and looks like Scarlet Johanssen. It is unsettling at first meeting when someone mistakenly thinks her femininity is a replacement for raw moxy. I have watched her turn young men inside out before my very eyes. It isn't pretty, but they never forget that moment and learn instantly never to do that again. I, personally, think there are many high school and college boys who owe her a debt a gratitude. Had she not let them know in no uncertain terms that she and no woman was ever to be disrespected, they may have gone on to make that same mistake a hundred times. She belongs to a fraternity. That's right, I said fraternity, not sorority. Few women are ever asked to join, but she was and has been a brilliant "brother" ever since. We have a tape of her wrestling someone on a slip and slide in 45 degree weather while someone used a hose to spray them with. She beat a boy. She is tough, smart and as girlie as they come. She also has the strength of ten men when she needs it, thanks in part to her brothers, who tried to torture her as a child. As her family we are very aware that that girl has balls. Her brothers are the first to warn strangers.
I miss her so much. She is busy getting a dual degree in her senior year of college. She works, participates in her frat and is writing her senior thesis. She is getting ready to travel, around this country and abroad. She takes care of her own baby, a rabbit named Tuvia, who was taken from the wild to a pet store and she rescued and is now trained. Tuvia is so smart. She can ring a bell when she wants out of her cage. She is potty trained, leash trained and knows how to open cupboards to get any snacks that seem appealing. I watch Christy with her baby, our family Easter bunny. That bunny knows she is Mama. The bunny is loyal and guards her when she is sleeping. I walked upstairs and checked on my girl one morning when she was home and Tuvia was stretch out on the bed next to her guarding the door. Tuvia will charge at you if you go near the mama. It made me laugh so hard to see a bunny as a "guard dog" that I woke Christy up.
This Easter I will not get to see Christy because she will be busy working at her job, making money. Our own Easter bunny, Tuvia, will be with her at the apartment guarding the door, waiting for her to come home. Her empty seat at the dinner table will be sad for me, but I will try and not show it. I will try and get over myself, as she likes to say, and make it a nice Easter for the family. Christy would like nothing better than to come home for the holidays, but for her it a time when she can make the most money, so she stays for the greater good. It is just one more thing she has taught me over the years, to be patient.
For her I have nothing but time.