A Love Letter...

To My Children,
My dearest darling children, I want you to know I see you today and everyday I wake up and draw breath, even when you are miles away from me. In my mind and my prayers and especially in my heart is where remain forever that tiny child I hold so close trying to protect you from the world outside our warm and happy home. My day begins and ends with thoughts and prayers for your safety and happiness. My heart, much like the Grinch, grew three times larger when you came into my life. It has always been about you from the moment you entered the world with your big blue eyes seeking out the origin of the voices you came to recognize.

I realize that you are so much older and wiser than I could have possibly imagined you'd be. I realize that you don't need me to be there to protect you all the time like I used to. Cognitively, I know you are able to handle things, sometimes better than I would and often times without my help or even knowledge of the problem. I do know you are smart and thoughtful and capable. I see you. I really see you.

I hear you, too. I hear the way you have matured into people that I not only love as my children, but as individuals I gravitate to for friendship, support and your endless ability to love. I hear your thoughts and ideas and sit back awestruck at how compassionate, kind, and intelligent you are. As I try my hardest to keep up with your growing intellect, I find myself wondering when your transformation took place. I search my mind for the day when you became so grown. Days flow together for me as I age, leaving me with impressionistic visions of your youth. Not unlike the great paintings that blur the vision of realism and idealism.

I am grateful to you for your endless patience as I too have grown and matured. I am humbled by your ability to forgive my transgressions as a mother. I know, now, that you see and hear me, too. I feel your very heart beat as when I carried you deep within my soul everyday. It has been my greatest privilege being your mom. Should I have had to take a test to be a mother I am quite certain I would have failed miserably in my youth. My innocence in the time when you were born allowed me to believe that I was ready for such a challenge. In this I am certain that ignorance is bliss. It is bliss that I felt the day you were born. It is bliss that filled me from top to bottom every moment I held your tiny body close to mine. Even though I was so young, I never lost sight of how fortunate I was just to be in your lives.

I always knew you were rentals. The clock began it's loud ticking the moment you drew breath. I knew then, as I know now, that I had a window of time to be with you and that one day you would grow beyond me, moving on to live independent of me, discovering the world for yourself.
I have always wanted to rejoice with you when that time came. I wanted you to know that my love for you was bigger than my own ego, bigger than my own neediness and bigger than my selfishness in wanting you with me all the time. That time for most of you is here. Trust that I am ready, steeling myself for you leap into your life taking steps far larger than any I have carried you up. I have done the work to release one finger hold at a time allowing you your freedom, trusting that you will guard your life as I have.

As Mother's Day approaches, know that my gifts are already here. Being your mom has been the single greatest thing I have ever been given. My pride in you doesn't come from any DNA, I or your father have provided, but rather the way you have grown into yourselves becoming so much more than anything he or I could have envisioned.

My Loves, thank you for allowing me to celebrate Mother's Day everyday, reveling in your joyful natures, raucous laughter, and delicious humor. Thank you for every time you held my hand making me feel safer, warmer, and loved; for being the light to follow all the times when I got lost in the dark. Thank you for reminding me that miracles do happen and dreams can come true. My hope is a direct result of your soaring spirits.

I just wanted to to hear me today. I just wanted to say to you how much I love you and Happy Mother's Day!